We are gods
by unibad
Summary: Through the use of powerful psychedelics Wallace discovers himself to be capable of such magic that the Ministry itself sees him as a threat.


White rays of light tear through the comfortable shell of darkness.

"Wallace?"

It manifested itself as a voice. Nothing he knew was as unpleasant as that voice at this time.

"Wallace, for fuck's sake, you've been out for a while, is there anybody in there?"

"No. I am fine. I am fine and content in what I am, where I am. I do not need you to break my world. Please go away, " was what he thought, but expressing that was too much effort, so a plain "Fuck off." had to suffice.

"Seriously, I don't know if I should be worried."

Wallace opened his eyes, reality came back to him as if he had forgotten of its existence.

"Fucking hell, Bruce?"

"Yeah, it's me, where were you? I was ready to call for help."

"Why, what was I doing?"

"You were laying there all night, occasionally shouting incomprehensible noises. I knew it was just the drug talking, but god damn, I started to think you'll never come out of it."

"Night? Oh. Oh! Right, what time is it?"

"It's nine in the morning, Thursday."

Wallace peeked at the calendar nearby.

"Fuck me, that was intense."

"Sounded like it."

"No seriously, I lived through an entire dude's life."

"We all go through that. Shit, I'm still in the process."

"As in someone that wasn't me."

"Okay, now that's more interesting."

Wallace raised up from the floor and started letting it out.

"Okay, so, so, right, so there was this guy, right? His name is Harry, but he's not like the guy we know, he's an asshole, but this Harry, he's OK, because he's got a scar, right? That makes him cool, but it also means he can go up against this Voldemort guy, who's for us is like the mug's Darth Vader, ever seen Star Wars? Yeah, you know what I mean..."

"Okay, slow down, you're going too fast."

"I saw it all happen, it's right in here," he said as he touched two fingers to his temple.

"I believe you, but until you start making sense I'll assume it's esoteric psychebabble and that I should call for a doctor."

"No! Don't!"

Bruce sat down in front of Wallace.

"Okay, now start from the beginning."

Wallace attempted to articulate concepts into words, all that came out was, "I fucking can't, it's ineffable."

"Alright then, never mind."

"No, I want you to know about it. Basically it's through the perspective of this dude's life, right? He's somewhat of a chosen one because the Voldemort character failed to kill him, because he wasn't supposed to, because he was the one that would get killed by the kid in the end, so the kid's entire life was him being puppeted to become powerful enough as a wizard to take him on, but in order for him to do that he would have to find the Voldemort's seven soul pieces scattered across the globe and kill them, they were like, his lives and oh man, this is really hard to articulate."

"Sounds pretty amazing. Hey, you want some coffee or tea?" Bruce asked, already halfway towards the door.

"Yeah, what ever, I'll be here thinking about it."

Later at the table the atmosphere had calmed down a little Wallace was able to coherently articulate his thoughts.

"What I saw there in that room, it was something different, like I've tripped before, but that was nothing like any trip I've ever had before."

"Right..."

"Seriously! Okay, let me prove it to you. You know how normally we use wands as means by which we do magic, right?"

"...Right," Bruce's hand unwittingly checked if his wand was still in place. Who knew what kind of sick ideas were stirring in this crazyman's head.

"Okay, check this out. I'm going to put my wand away, wherever." He put it on the table closer to Bruce's side, facing outwards. "Now watch," he said.

"Nothing's happening."

"No, I got it, just bear with me."

A tablespoon raised two inches above the surface of the table without Wallace moving a muscle.

Bruce flinched, "Holy fuck, did you do that?"

"Yeah?"

"What the fuck... how does that even work?"

"I don't know, but I just concentrated on it floating and it just did that all by itself."

"Do you feel you can do it again?"

"Definitely."

Bruce got up, and carried both his and Wallace's wands into the other room. By the time he got back Wallace was already orbiting a teacup around himself.

"They don't quite teach you this stuff at school, do they?"

Bruce was starting to accept the idea that the fundamental teachings of the basics of rudimentary magic might have been wrong.

"So, you can manipulate objects without needing anything? What the fuck do we need a wand for then? What else can you do."

"I don't know, let me see..."

A clock fell down from the wall, broke into bits and bobs and pieces, then assembled itself back together and climbed back up where it was, all without going off a single tick, still showing the exact time.

"You realize you have to be extremely careful with this, right? What if you accidentally kill somebody?"

"That's the thing, I am in total control. Nothing happens unless I actually intend for it to do so. I don't see how this could go wrong."

Just as he said those very words Murphy and his golden law manifested itself as an entire wall dissipating and revealing an entire legion of Ministry drones.

The hammer had fallen.

"Wallace, I hate you."

"I know, Bruce, I hate you too."

A pudgy little man in a purple uniform was shouting orders directly into the house. It was as if the fourth wall had been torn down and the director was now shouting at the actors.

"We have the area surrounded. Ceace all magical activity or we will be forced to take action. You must surrender yourselves to the Ministry of Magic or we will be forced to apply dementors. You have committed the crime of using unauthorized methods of magic without explicit permission from the Ministry."

"We're fucked now, aren't we, Wallace?"

"Don't worry I got this. Hold my hand?"

"What?!"

"Shut up and hold my hand I know what I'm doing."

As soon as Bruce's hand touched Wallace's they disappeared in an explosive flash. To the hammer it would have seemed as though they had exploded into tiny bits, throwing them back several feet.

They landed in a nearby woods just outside the sight of the hammer and ran as fast as they could while those left behind were still trying to figure out how they could have caused such an explosion just by touching one another.


End file.
